Fearless

 

Suby is the youngest of my four granddaughters, but I think of her as being fearless.  Once while I was visiting them at their house in Eugene, a truck backed into my van that was parked out front.  All I heard was a loud crunch.  I went out to see what had happened, and my son followed me out. While I was talking to the guy who hit my van and seeing if there was any damage, my son ordered me to go back into the house and he’d handle it.  It really wasn’t a problem – I couldn’t see any damage, but he shouted at me, “Get in the house!”  When he came back inside, he started yelling at me, saying “When I tell you to get inside – you need to do it!”  I was appalled.  He didn’t seem to have any problem with me flying alone all over the country to make enough money to support him and his family, but he wanted control over me in what he considered “his house” that we were paying for.  He was yelling at me so loud, that it woke up Suby who was taking a nap, and she ran full force out of her room and pushed him hard and said, “don’t you talk to my Grandma like that!”  She was so little and he was so big – it shocked us both.  I just scooped her up and held her while he left.  Suby never really knew her father well, he had abandoned his family when she was very young and all she knew was this "stranger" was yelling at the grandma she loved.

In this picture above she has hiked Olomana Trail which was probably the most terrifying hike I have been on and it the trail where her parents fell in love. Her friend, shows how steep and narrow these peaks and their trails are in Hawaii. In another picture, she is doing a handstand on that narrow trail. Gasp! I was shocked, since I pretty much hiked most of the way on my bottom. I struggle to less afraid of almost everything.

She went to New York recently for her birthday with her boyfriend and we took her to the airport. Suby is fiercely independent to this day.

My great, great grandmother was fearless. Maybe that is where Suby got her strength. Grandma Harriet's husband, Alvis was held prisoner for a time by Southern soldiers during the Civil War. When Grandma Harriet learned the location of the Southern prison, she went there alone to secure Grandpa’s release. The terms of his release were that they should leave the area immediately. It is unclear whether they were driven from their home by Southern soldiers or escorted out of the area by them. Grandma Harriet said in spite of all the evil she had heard concerning the enemy, she was never treated more courteously by anyone.  One day when Harriet and her two youngest were the only ones at home, hounds chased a deer into the yard. They killed it and dressed out the meat, thus supplying the family with some good venison.  

This reminds of a song from the movie "Toys." Here are the lyrics

Let Joy and Innocence Prevail

Song by Grace Jones

Overview

Lyrics

Lyrics

I tell you of a girl, her husband was a soldier

Gone to war in some strange country far away

No word had come to her but the rumors of great battles fought

And dying in their thousands and the world full of fear

As the day would turn to evening she would light a pure white candle

And place it in a window bright from where it could be seen

As she placed it in the window softly without thinking

She said let this burning candle be a beacon

Let joy and innocence prevail

Let joy and innocence prevail

Believe that luck will never fail

Let joy and innocence prevail

And one night, asleep

She dreamed she saw her husband fall

In a great white cavalry charge

And waking in tears

She saw the candle burning in the window

She still had hope

And through the window

A man in the distance

But as he came closer

She saw he was a stranger

The stranger said, "I bring a message from a General

A captain has been wounded, his life hangs by a thread

He calls out your name and he wishes you to come to him

But the journey is a hard road and you may be afraid"

And she laughed and said, "No road could be too hard for I am fearless

A captain and a husband, I have gained this bright new day"

And she said with all her heart, she would fly to be beside him

And her love would heal his wounds, restore him to her

Let joy and innocence prevail

Let joy and innocence prevail

Believe that luck will never fail

Let joy and innocence prevail

Let joy and innocence prevail

Let joy and innocence prevail

Believe that luck will never fail

Let joy and innocence prevail

Let joy and innocence prevail

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Your Grandkids Don’t Want your Junk

 

I recently found out that I’m 14% Swedish.  I cannot figure out how, other than the fact that my mother’s side came from Northern Germany, Denmark and The Netherlands.  Someone in that group must have also come from Sweden.

Granddaughter #3, spent the year after graduation in 2015 from the IB program as a Rotary Exchange student in Sweden.  I know that was hard on her; the winters are brutal and it was her first time truly being away from home for so long.  But she was so brave and toughed it out and now lives in Oregon; about as far from our home in Florida that you can get!  Gosh, I miss her! Recently, I suggested that she get a scanner so that she could easily send electronically the artwork she was creating for a book we are working on together, but she admitted that she didn't have the space.  During a Zoom visit, she took me on a "tour" of her little room in the attic where she lives.  It is a tiny space, but she has truly made it a home and she is happy.

 Over the years, we have downsized our houses.  At one time, we had 5 bedrooms and almost 4,000 square feet in Camas, Washington.  We’ve had houses with acres of land, ocean and mountain views.  We’ve lived on a golf course and had swimming pools. We built our "dream home" in Port Angeles, but had to move after 9/11 and they stopped flying into our town.  

Today we live in a smaller two-bedroom cottage house close to our passion, Disney World, with a little fenced back yard. Oddly enough, I grow more food now than I did when we had acres of land. Our house is actually less cluttered, because I read an article that discussed the concept of the Swedish Death Cleansing.  Once you reach the end of middle age you get rid of all the stuff you’ve accumulated that you don’t need anymore — so that no one else has to do it for you after you pass. That’s according to Margareta Magnusson, author of a book, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter." I learned this lesson when I moved my dad from his home into assisted living.  It was filled with things from his first marriage to my mom, 2^nd marriage to Dorothy after she moved into assisted living, and junk from my brother Stan and sister-in-law Cindy when they lived there when Stan died.  It also had junk from Cindy’s parents after they died and even her mother’s 2^nd marriage.  I learned a lesson that nobody, especially your grandkids, wants your junk.  I had a huge collection of these heavy Disney sculptures by Ron Lee and I recently donated most of them away to a local thrift shop that helps the homeless.  We have firm rule in our family; no garage sales, no selling stuff on eBay.  We have been fortunate to have what we need (not necessarily everything we "want") and we believe in "pay it forward" and donating or giving away anything we don't need anymore.  

When Covid 19 became a pandemic, I got serious about thinning things out and organizing my legal paperwork.  I discussed our wishes with my two good friends, Gayle and Laura and asked them to take on the burden of liquating our things for the granddaughters.  I have set aside a small piece of jewelry for each, written a letter, and suggested a piece of artwork they might like; but  don't expect any of them to deal with our junk! 

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Lucky I'm in Love with My Best Friend

 

I met my husband in the spring of 1972, the year I graduated from high school.  Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor was opening in our small town and my best friend, Laura and I wanted to work there. It was a “cool” place in so many ways.  I was already accepted as an International Agriculture major at Cal Poly Pomona with a full scholarship.  I had enough credits to graduate from high school after the first semester, so I was able to leave school at 10:30AM because my favorite teacher, Mr. Alstrum let me be his teaching assistant for that 4th period.  I got hired as a daytime waitress for the lunch shift, and Laura was a nighttime cashier.  Close to opening day, Keith came in from another Farrell’s and was charged with teaching all of us how to properly fill the condiment jars according to health department rules.  I made a comment to my friend, “I can’t believe this guy is showing us how to fill a jar” and I swear I heard a growl to go with his icy stare. 

From then on, it was “game on '' between us.  Keith was our assistant manager and was engaged to get married in a year. I first dated a few of the guys at Farrell’s, but then started seriously dating seriously the area training supervisor, Jack.  The year before, I had broken up with my high school sweetheart, who had gotten his boss’s daughter pregnant.  He had a shotgun marriage during our senior year. I started dating for the first time in my life during my senior year, but I was getting tired of playing all the dating games.  Although I was a flower child of the seventies and enjoyed going to parties, drinking, smoking pot, and spending my days off at the beach, I was looking for a more serious relationship like I had for over three years with my steady boyfriend in high school.  I continuously got disappointed.  But this new guy I was dating had his own apartment, a nifty sports car, and he was seven years older.  Jack also wanted a serious relationship.  He was an intellectual that could discuss philosophical matters for hours and a talented artist.  But it was hard for me to relate to Jack.  When you’re only seventeen, those many years in age difference are difficult. Keith was less than a year older than me, but born an old soul.  He was organized, serious, and focused.  Even today, we tease him about his “Spidey Sense '' or ability to sense danger.  He tells our granddaughters to always trust their naturally inherited “Spidey Sense '' and get away from any situation that doesn’t seem right.

Keith and I had an ongoing adversary attraction.  I would toss something from the salad station at him while he walked by, or endlessly tease him about being too young to get married. My pestering and teasing started getting his attention and we began sneaking off after work to the park, or to the beach to talk.  We’d talked about how similar our childhoods were.  Both of our mothers were strong Catholics girls who came from immigrant families who occasionally spoke their native languages in the home.  His grandmother came from Italy and my mother’s family was German.  Both of our fathers came from a long line of British families that had come to America in the 1700s.  Keith is the fifth cousin of Winston Churchill twice removed. My father’s family came from Yorkshire, England and my great grandfather and great great grandfather were Baptist preachers.  Each of our fathers had converted to Catholicism to marry Catholic girls.  My father’s family had suffered terribly in World War II, losing their oldest son in Germany and a son-in-law as a Navy pilot in the Pacific.  How could my grandmother possibly approve of her only surviving son marrying a German girl like my mom when less than five years earlier her favorite son had died at the hands of the Germans on Christmas Day in the Battle of the Bulge? My dad said, “we told your grandma that your mom was Danish.”  This was partly true since my mom’s family came from northern Germany, and one great grandparent was born in Denmark, another in The Netherlands.  Keith’s father served during the war as a Navy Seabee, and then the Navy as a career, eventually retiring as a Chief. 

After a few months, Keith and I broke up with our existing partners, and we started dating seriously.  He did so many kind things! He would replace my torn beach towel, and rushed to open the car door for me.  He would help me be a 4-H Junior Leader, getting all my young 4-H team’s sheep ready for judging at the fair. Oddly enough, even though I grew up in a more rural west coast town, it wasn’t expected to go to college after high school.  Many of my fellow classmates merely took up a trade, got married, and settled down.  I wanted to go to college, but the night before I was supposed to leave for Cal Poly, I wrote a letter to the scholarship board and asked that my scholarship funds be transferred to the local community college, Mira Costa in Oceanside that had an agricultural program.  I liked Keith so much and I didn’t want to be far away from him.  I'm not sure when I fell in love with Keith, but I liked him so much that I wanted to be with him.  There is a song that I think sums this up;  "Lucky I'm in love with my best friend, Lucky to have been where I have been..."

I did end up getting my degree, but that is for another blog.

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Friends for Life - Laura and Sandi with an "i"

 

Laura is my best (non-husband) friend.  We met during 8th grade.  She had sat down in the science class and a few of my friends; Wendy, Sheila, and Kathleen asked Laura to save a seat for “Sandy.”  I came in late and found that empty seat next to Laura.  Laura had moved to Escondido from Arizona where her father had been stationed in the Air Force.  Laura was so much more worldly than me; she had lived and traveled all over the world including a time in the Philippines.   In a few months was her 13th birthday and she asked me to go to Disneyland with her.  At some point, Laura decided that she would like to spell my name with an “I” so that she could make smiley faces or hearts from the dot.  To this day, Laura and I are close and my name is now Sandi with an "i".  We email weekly to stay in touch better since neither of us likes to travel.

Laura’s family were sort of like Ward and June Cleavers of Leave to Beaver for me. Their home at close to Glenview in Escondido was my image of an ideal home; tastefully decorated, organized and clean.  The yard and lawn were manicured.  Her mom was a professional woman; she worked at the school district, dressed well, spoke softly and again, my ideal of June Cleaver.  Her was like any typical 1960s family; with the dad, always in the garage and grunted most of his answers.  I loved how he talked to Laura with his deep voice, calling her Laura Lee or Laurie.  I was so envious of their lifestyle.  Laura’s older brother, David was highly intelligent and talked down to us, but thankfully ignored us.  I think he ended up being a professional student, so rarely at home. 

Laura (on the left above) was very involved in the yearbook in high school and was named the editor for our senior year.  She named me the photo editor which was lots of fun.  I would grab a staff photographer and go to events or advertising engagements and get to set up the shot.  We do have one claim to fame our senior year.  For years we had belonged to the Pep Club and painted these huge posters that the football team runs through.  Nobody seemed to appreciate them.  The pep club president, Sheana had attended a college game where the sign said “Screw Navy” (not sure of the actual team) and had a cute little guy with a screw going through the middle.  We thought it was funny.  For the big Escondido High vs. Orange Glen game, we made a similar sign that said “Screw Escondido” and a cartoon character with a screw through him.  When we put up the sign, the cheering crowd was silent.  Unexpected results.  The team ran through it unknowingly, and then the principal ran down on the field and rounded the 4 or us up.  We were in big trouble and were told to be in his office Monday morning.  That morning, he looked at us and said, “I should suspend all of you for this, but between the four of you, most of the student clubs and organizations would shut down.”  He went on to say that with Laura running the yearbook and having upcoming deadlines and with me being the assistant treasurer and responsible for paying all the student club bills, he couldn’t suspend us. Over the next few weeks, we were shocked to realize that this is probably a record number of letters to the editor – all fully against one thing.  We had united our mostly Republican town against a common enemy; that horrible sign!  When I took the yearbook picture of our principal, the theme was to something with our hands.  I asked him do that and he is pointing at me and saying, “Don’t you ever do anything like that again.”  Nobody probably knows that except me.  The picture still makes me smile.

The top picture of Laura and me is from grad night - 1972 at Disneyland. We had decided to go with each other instead of having dates. I was worried about staying up all night, so my drug-dealer brother gave us some speed which we had never taken before. Needless to say, it made us sick and as we entered the park, we were in bad shape. Two very cute guys saw us and we explained what happened. They offered to escort us around until we felt better and Laura and I ended up having a great time. Unfortunately, I think we ended up running into every guy who we had turned down for dates that evening and each thought we were lying when we said we wanted to go without a date since we obviously had these "dates." When we got home, we decided to sleep on the beach. I snuggled down into my sleeping bag and because of the drug, I didn't wake up until later the next day. Laura was next to me in her bikini - sunning and stunning on the beach. I was a human burrito and a mess!

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Danah and La Honda

 

Growing up on a street like La Honda (the road to Dixon Dam) was a delight.  As I got older, my bus stop moved away from our driveway and to the end of La Honda which seemed about 50 miles away.  Danah's house was about half of the way home and anytime I’d see him outside, I’d stop, rest, and chat.  I had a huge crush on Danah when I was young, but he never thought of me more than a little sister.  Growing up, he’d walk up the hill to see me; sometimes with a steer in tow. If he went inside, he’d leave me a secret “Danah” note hidden.  The “Danah” note trick continued to spread.  As a wedding present, Cliff and Danah got us a knife holder and carved on one side; Danah and on the other, Cliff.  My best friend, Laura loved the Danah note trick.  After our honeymoon, we came back to our condo and there must have been hundreds of Danah notes!  Laura and I got inventive; often giving each other gifts with “Danah” written on the bottom.  The best Danah note happened in the 1990s when both Laura and I lived in Minnesota.  Keith and I had helped Laura and her husband put up rain gutters.   There was a six inch section left over which Laura wrote “Danah” with a red tip marker and snuck into the back seat of our car.  For the next few years, the rain gutter would go back and forth between our houses.  I babysat her kids a lot, so every time one of them picked them up, or I’d drop them off, we’d hide the gutter.   Finally Keith and I found the perfect hiding place.  Laura’s car got into an accident and was being repaired in a body shop that the company that I worked for owned.  I got the workers to put the gutter inside of the bumper.   After I told them where it was, they tried so hard to get it out, but it stayed there until they traded it in.  I’m sure that someday it will be found at a junkyard and they’ll wonder how a rain gutter got inside a bumper and why someone wrote “Danah” on it! 

When I was in high school, Cliff and Danah took off one summer for a long road trip which left me devastated.  I missed them both so much.  Thankfully they wrote me a postcard or letter almost EVERY day.  I remember running into C.J. who asked if I had heard from them and I shared what I received.  C.J. was so upset because he hadn’t gotten any word from the pair!  I offered the excuse that maybe they didn’t have enough stamps, and C.J. complained that he had given them self-addressed, stamped envelopes and they still hadn’t written.  Hopefully he eventually got a letter! My relationship with my long-time boyfriend, Lee was failing and Danah would come up and we'd sit under the big tree outside my bedroom and talk. Our nightly chats eventually took a serious romantic turn for us. Danah and I fell in love, but there was one problem; we were no longer compatible like we were when we were younger. Danah had become deeply religious at a time when I was becoming more interested in the sciences. I had originally wanted to be a large animal vet, but although Danah had tried and tried to teach me to give shots to animals, I just didn’t have the stomach for medicine. Instead I became very interested in agri-business and developing better ways to grow food through better irrigation. It was after one of our dates to a Christian youth rally that Danah had the dreaded “talk” with me. It was obvious that I didn’t have the passion for Christ that he had developed and would never want to be a pastor’s wife. He was able to get me to admit that I wanted to travel and save the world. As I became more scientific and agnostic, our paths were no longer the same. Although I ended up not going to CalPoly as planned and switched from agri-business to accounting and computer science, I did end up traveling the world and 47 of the 50 states. I’m still working on the “saving the world” part, but for now just working on my little part of the world; my four granddaughters and my tiny backyard. As teenagers, when Danah would leave, I would complain and didn't like it when he said that it was time to say “Goodbye.” To appease me, he quit saying goodbye and replaced it with as kiss and “Later.” As a teenager, I was happiest riding around in the front of Danah’s car with Cliff and Danah on each side of me.

After I met Keith and he truly liked Cliff and Danah, it was a big factor of us falling in love.  Keith didn't feel threatened by my friendships with Cliff and Danah and picked both of them to be groomsmen at our wedding. Danah did become a pastor, but died in 1982 at age 30 of cancer. I hope that he was right and there is something after all this and if so, I'll never have to say goodbye again.

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When I'm with my Love, I'm Home

 

Looking back, I really only lived in 4 houses growing up; the one on Spruce in Santa Ana where my parents lived when I was born.  My dad said they paid about $900 for that house. Then we moved to Escondido and lived at 1468 Valley Parkway.  Dad had owned a poultry business in Orange County, so he bought the chicken ranch.  We lived there for only about a year before moving to the house I considered “home” at 1468 La Honda in Escondido.  Although they did buy the 2 houses at 471 Citrus where this graduation picture is taken with my folks in 1972, I didn’t end up spending much time there; spending most of my time either staying with Laura, or housesitting a house with Laura in Rancho Bernardo, and then getting married.  My parents finally moved up to Ranchita and then Valley Center where my mother died.  Mom’s ashes are in Borrego Springs at Saint Richard's Catholic Cemetery. 

On the other hand, Keith moved a lot.  His dad was in the Navy and was stationed in Alaska, Hawaii, San Diego, Long Beach, and Illinois. He attended many, many different schools.   I was lucky; never the new kid at school.  

This is Keith's mom, Dorothy Jerome in 1953 holding my husband Keith with Jerry Jerome, Camille DeMoss and Paul Jerome.  Jerry had spent the early years of the Korean war on the USS John A. Bole.  He was an avid card player and won enough playing cards to buy a new car, which I think this was it.  His tour during the Korean war was tough; his ship provided fire support during the amphibious assault on Inchon and then was parked three miles off Swatow, China, on the orders of General Douglas MacArthur, in an unsuccessful attempt by him to provoke China into a war with the United States. Armed Chinese junks surrounded the ship, but in the meantime, MacArthur was relieved and the ship was moved away from its "sitting duck" role off the Chinese harbor. USS John A. Bole also steamed with support convoys into Inchon before returning to San Diego in mid-June 1951.  At that point, Jerry transferred to Adak, AK where they were building a Navy Communications base.  I remember the story of Dorothy having to travel with two small children to Adak via train and ship, and then spend two years in that frozen wasteland.  There is a scene in Fiddler on the Roof that makes me cry, thinking of Dorothy traveling so far away from home.  But the daughter responds, "When I'm with my Love....I'm Home." There is a lot to be said of those who fought and those who stayed by their side.  Jerry earned 5 bronze stars during his service; one for saving a shipmate’s life.  After Adak, he transferred to San Diego where Keith was born. Steve Jerome came along much later. Jerry died in 2005, Dorothy in 2010 and Paul in 1968.  Camille now lives in Alaska – sort of full circle with Keith's hair looking the same as it does today!

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Make New Friends but Keep the Old

Over the years, I have staying in touch with my good friend Gayle; she is one of the few people that I know that lives in my hometown. This is a picture of her with her lovely daughter, Amy.

Gayle and I originally met in 4-H when we were about twelve or thirteen, but I didn’t like her because all my 4-H boyfriends really, really liked her, and I was jealous. She was blonde and pretty and I thought of myself as rather dark and gangly.  I also thought that she was interested in my brother, Stan which I judged her poorly for.  But in my freshman year of high school I was thrust into PE with a bunch of people that I didn’t know.  Most of my friends like Laura, Sheila, Wendy, Pam, Ellen and Kathleen had other classes. OGHS was a mixture of 3-4 different junior highs.  I sort of recognized Gayle and ended up hanging out with her.  We also got to know Nancy who came from the Catholic school, and that sort of made my non-Orange Glen trio of friends.  My best friend, Laura, in the meantime was fast-tracking into the cool kids group.  In her classes she met Anne McLeod and they became friends.  I got jealous which was odd; in my freshman year, I had lots of new friends, and so did Laura, but we still hung out. Thing were okay, but the the big problem was my boyfriend.  He didn’t like the time I spent with Laura. They had actually gone together in junior high and I think he resented that she had broke up with him.   In our sophomore year, he had convinced me that Laura was getting to be a “social” and was stuck up.  He insisted I tell her.  That ended up being disastrous.  Laura and I broke up and were not friends again until late in my Junior year after my boyfriend and I started breaking up.  It taught me a lesson about possessive and jealous behavior of boyfriends at a high price.  Gayle and Nancy ended up being my "new" friends. When I got married, Gayle got the flu and couldn’t be a bridesmaid.  I felt so bad for her; she was living in Chico and had driven all the way back to Escondido for the wedding and had sewn the bridesmaid dress! So my wedding party ended up being from left, my cousin Georgette instead of Gayle– who could fit into Gayle’s dress at the last minute.  Nancy, my cousin Loretta, and Laura as maid of honor. My cousin Mary Ester was the flower girl. I have lost touch with Nancy. I last saw her around 1985 when she and her family came to visit us in Arizona. Gayle and I email weekly and whenever I visit Escondido, we see each other. We have hopes that someday she'll come here after Covid and I'm fully retired and we'll spend a week seeing the Florida Keys. The important thing is that is it great to make new friends, but make sure you keep the old; as the song goes - "one is silver and the other gold."

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