Joyful and Fearless

 

Can I be Fearless?

In 1992, 20th Century Fox handed director Barry Levinson a blank check. Robin Williams was at the height of his popularity, fresh off hits like "Good Morning, Vietnam," "Dead Poets Society," and the voice of the Genie in "Aladdin." The supporting cast included Joan Cusack, Michael Gambon, and Robin Wright. The film had stars, songs, a massive budget, and every ingredient that should have guaranteed a hit. 

Yet when "Toys" was released in December 1992, it opened in sixth place and limped away with just over $23 million at the box office, barely half its budget. Barry Levinson was even nominated for a Razzie Award for Worst Director. How could such a well-resourced project fail so spectacularly?

The answer lies in a perfect storm of missteps that began before cameras even rolled. Barry Levinson and his then-wife, Valerie Curtin, developed the screenplay in 1979, inspired by a newspaper article about Soviet naval intelligence studying American submarine toy models. The script itself became a victim of its own ambition. Despite twelve years of preparation, the screenplay seemed pulled in two directions. The producers kept describing it as "whimsical," while studios kept interpreting it as a dark comedy. 

Even Robin Williams seemed oddly restrained, playing it warm and cuddly when the film desperately needed his manic energy. The result was a film that critics found visually stunning, but the story was confused, and audiences simply couldn't connect with what they were watching. 

But there was one part of the movie I enjoyed: the song "Let Joy and Innocence Prevail," sung by Grace Jones.

I tell you of a girl, her husband was a soldier
Gone to war in some strange country far away
No word had come to her but the rumors of great battles fought
And dying in their thousands and the world full of fear
As the day would turn to evening she would light a pure white candle
And place it in a window bright from where it could be seen
As she placed it in the window softly without thinking
She said let this burning candle be a beacon
Let joy and innocence prevail
Let joy and innocence prevail
Believe that luck will never fail
Let joy and innocence prevail
And one night, asleep
She dreamed she saw her husband fall
In a great white cavalry charge
And waking in tears
She saw the candle burning in the window
She still had hope
And through the window
A man in the distance
But as he came closer
She saw he was a stranger
The stranger said, "I bring a message from a General
A captain has been wounded, his life hangs by a thread
He calls out your name and he wishes you to come to him
But the journey is a hard road and you may be afraid"
And she laughed and said, "No road could be too hard for I am fearless
A captain and a husband, I have gained this bright new day"
And she said with all her heart, she would fly to be beside him
And her love would heal his wounds, restore him to her
Let joy and innocence prevail
Let joy and innocence prevail
Believe that luck will never fail
Let joy and innocence prevail
Let joy and innocence prevail
Let joy and innocence prevail
Believe that luck will never fail
Let joy and innocence prevail
Let joy and innocence prevail!

"Toys" remains a fascinating cautionary tale about what happens when unlimited resources meet unclear vision. But there's another lesson in this film, one that Grace Jones captured perfectly in the film's haunting song. The film's central message, that we must choose joy and innocence over warfare and destruction, resonates today.

A decade ago, my own husband faced his own battle: triple bypass surgery, then a stroke two years later. The doctors wanted him to stay in the hospital for two weeks of physical therapy, but he wanted to come home. He complained about the noise that prevented him from sleeping, the lack of regular meals, and they hadn't started any physical therapy. I was fearless enough to sign those release and liability forms and take him home, even though he couldn't walk and I could barely get him out of the car. 

I became his personal physical therapist, watching YouTube videos and working with him all day. I put my programming projects on hold. In two days, he no longer needed the walker. In two weeks, he was walking to the mailbox. In two months, he was back at Disney, walking three miles a day. Like the woman in Grace Jones's song who said, "No road could be too hard for I am fearless," I learned that fearlessness and joy are not opposites; they are partners. You can be brave enough to defy the doctors, bold enough to bet on love and healing, while still holding tight to the joy and innocence that make life worth fighting for. "Toys" failed because it lost sight of that balance. My husband had lost the part of his brain that gave him balance and the doctors said he'd probably never walk again without a walker, but we've had a decade of travel and spending days at Disney. The walker still sits in the corner of the closet.

I'm writing the 4th book in my Kira and Henry series, War Games, while my husband is fighting his health battles again. When I write YA novels and screenplays, I use the Save the Cat! structure, and unlike Toys, I always know what my story is about and how it should be told. I become fearless and disciplined, but keep the joy of writing, because in life, in love, in the moments that truly matter, we cannot afford to lose it. It is time for me to be fearless again. And it is time to let joy and innocence prevail. 

Note: My April 2021 blog about my fearless granddaughter, Suby, tells the story of my great, great-grandmother on the Cook side of the family, who was truly fearless and went behind enemy lines to bring her captured husband home during the Civil War. 

The above picture is of my granddaughter, Tulaasi, on Mount Cook in the Ben Ohau Range of New Zealand's South Island. She and my oldest granddaughter, Chandra, fearlessly worked for years in Australia, New Zealand, and throughout Europe. My granddaughter, Vrinda, who is required to wear snake-proof boots to work as a field biologist in the Florida wilderness, is fearless. More about them in future blogs

I have been writing this monthly blog for over 6 years, every month - and I have so many stories I've yet to tell!

Happy Holidays to all of you!

A Hallmark Christmas

This month, my best friend, Laura (right,) visited me for a week. There aren't that many people who knew me as my mother's daughter, so we talked a lot about our mothers. 

My mother loved Christmas – every inch of our home was decorated. She made a magical bonbon – and I'm often asked for the recipe. One problem – I don't have it. My mom never wrote it down before she died unexpectedly, and we lost more that day than her secret ingredients.

As kids, I admired Laura's mother; she was a professional woman and they lived in an immaculate house. When I asked why their sewing machine was in the master bedroom when they had both a family room and a rarely used living room, Laura laughed. Appearances were important in her family and nobody touched their formal living room. In our home, the sewing machine was on the dining room table because we ate in the kitchen. For my family, everything was about functionality. Eating was number one; my mother was an amazing cook - in fact, my maiden name was Cook. Mom's dining room and kitchen looked like a Hallmark movie set during a bonbon contest.

Last month, we welcomed a dashing young man, Luis, from Ecuador into our family when my scientist granddaughter, Vrinda Jerome, became Vrinda Silva. He loves to cook! While up in Jacksonville for the wedding, I watched a marathon batch of Christmas movies. A few months ago I had finished writing my Hallmark-like movie, Christmas Bonbons, which is being shopped by the same Hijacked producer Autumn Bailey (On a Wing and a Prayer with Dennis Quaid.) Hijacked was an adaptation from a true book about the heroes of flight 705. Christmas Bonbons was my first Hallmark structured movie. I loved writing it. The 9-acts and Hallmark "rules" are like catnip to a former programmer like me that loves structures.  For those of you considering a career writing Hallmark Christmas Movies, here's the most common format;

Act 1 -  Setup. The heroine has a happy life, but something is missing.

Act 2 -  Inciting incident. She has to travel somewhere; maybe home for the holidays or a  project for work. Often is is snowing when she gets there.

Act 3. Meet Cute. She arrives - and by chance, she encounters the romantic interest, who can be her long-lost first love or involved in her work project. But it can also be a family friend, or the friendly town vet, or even a guy that sells Christmas trees.

Act 4. Debate - as her situation gets more challenging and that frustrating romantic interest is always just there, resulting in many more encounters where the guy makes himself useful, and sometimes frustrates her and she wants to leave, but she has to finish something first.

Act 5. Almost kiss -  they begin to enjoy spending time together. This is also where they touch accidentally, or look into each other's eyes - and then,  one of them says awkwardly, "I should go..." something isn't right about them being together as they almost kiss.

Act 6. Fun and games. They finally get over that reason why things are awkward, find themselves in a snow ball fight, or trying to decorate a tree, or make cookies, and get interrupted right before their lips meet. Sometimes there is a town contest for the best decoration of some sort and they compete.

Act 7. BUT - something is wrong; he said/she said - misunderstandings, rumours, and she thinks she should go back home because she's afraid - or he doesn't seem to feel the same way about her..

Act 8. Finally – one of them, has the courage to tell the other how they really feel thanks the classic mentor who often is wearing a Santa Hat. Feelings are real, they are falling in love! She maybe decides to move back home, or he's going to move to where she lives. A new life is beginning. Their life together matters.

Act 9. They live happy ever after and the whole family (or town) joins them around the Christmas tree for a group picture or singing a Christmas carole.

There are also some of the Hallmark traits and rules;

1. No words like crazy, hate, NO profanity

2. Christmas in almost every scene

3. NO religion

4. Must decorate a Christmas tree

5. Theme uplifting

6. Make Christmas food like cookies

7. No sex scenes

8. Few displays of affection

9. One snowball fight

10. One kiss at the end

11. Must have a happy ending.

I'm not sure my Christmas Bonbons is a perfect script yet, I probably have some rewrites it its future, but I also and I haven't given up trying to recreate that bonbon recipe of my mom's. The difference between a writer and a professional writer is that a professional never gives up. I'd write more this month, but today I'm getting down my Christmas decorations from the attic. I love Christmas.

Out of my Comfort Zone

The Twilight Saga is my favorite series of films and books. I discovered the books from a 12-year-old.  Almost two decades ago,  I wrote an algorithm for a dating site based on music preferences and met in the patent attorney's office in Portland to explain the logic. During a break, I noticed one of the lawyers' kids reading Twilight. He gave such an amazing pitch that I stopped by Barnes and Noble on the way home (pre-Kindle days) and bought the book. I was hooked. 

After the movies came out, we took our granddaughters up to lunch at the View Point Inn, and it was magical to be there. My love for the Pacific Northwest beaches propelled me to buy a vacation home on the Oregon coast, a few miles away from where the beach scenes were filmed.  I was on "Team Jacob" during the movie since I'm Native American and rooting for the tribe and wolves.

Over the years, I've been fascinated with wolves, especially after finding out that we are descendants of the Wolf Clan of the Cherokee tribe. I wrote a Hallmark-like romantic comedy script a few years ago, Nature's Way, set in Seattle and Port Angeles, that discusses the reintroduction of wolves into the National Parks. After doing genealogy research about my family's life before they were relocated from North Carolina to Oklahoma during the Trail of Tears, I wrote my first solo YA/MG book, Sleep Warrior, set in Cherokee, NC and the Eastern Band of the Cherokees. However, I wanted to learn more about my Oklahoma roots since my grandmother went back to the reservation close to Tulsa to die.

A few months ago, I went to Washington, D.C., to see one of my pictures that was accepted into the Smithsonian's Mirror, Mirror exhibit about the Disney Parks. While there, I visited the National Zoo and spent a lot of time with the red wolves - watching them. I decided to write a script centered around the red wolves - but in Oklahoma.  I've never written a teen light horror/fantasy script, nor one with a male lead, so I decided to write Blood Moon Wolf for my Native American Media Alliance Feature Film project this month. I had pitched 3 scripts, and this one was my last choice.  First was Kidnapped Kangaroo, which I've started this month writing as a YA book, and next was Chocolate Factory Death, based on a near panic attack I had around the loud machinery inside the Lindt chocolate factory I toured last year in Cologne, Germany.

But my cohorts liked my Blood Moon Wolf  "mini treatment" the best, so I took a deep breath and jumped into the abyss of the unknown. Teenagers as the leads? How do they talk? I reached back into the memory of helping to raise my four granddaughters and decided to name the wolf after the oldest; the leader of the pack - Chandra.  My other character, Riana a combination of Suby, Vrinda, and Tulaasi - very strong young ladies.

The one thing that made it easier was that the instructor taught us the 8-sequence method. Wow, for someone who spent a career in a highly structured world of programming and accounting, this was catnip for me. I like to say that you can eat an elephant if you start with one bite at a time...meaning that breaking down a huge project like writing a DMS system can be done by one person. I proved that right when I created DealerStar DMS fifteen years ago and sold it a few years ago. Now, I get to write full-time, and I hope to never eat an elephant because I'm a vegan and animal lover. If I write a great movie, it will be because my cohorts coaxed me out of my comfort zone, and my instructor gave me a tool to keep me sane - along with the inspiration of my four granddaughters. 

I've been doing YouTube videos - to help promote my books - and I'm working on my Amazing Animal Kingdom series. If only we had wolves! Here's the Amazing Animals playlist. Thank goodness I don't have aspirations as a filmmaker!  But I love to tell my stories!

Next will be a video about my Wild Africa Trek adventure - really out of my comfort zone!

Here's the link to my videos about Disney's Animal Kingdom

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLx_8Ja4anZU7PdLL_kyT3kkTNaz3BhCQl

You are Bigger

 

My granddaughter, Vrinda graduated this year from the University of North Florida with a degree in Biology with a concentration in Coastal Environmental Science.  My hope is that someday she will save our world from devastating climate change. One of my favorite memories of Vrinda was when I took her down to the beach when she was about two.   She would love to run out to the water’s edge but was terribly frightened by seagulls and would run back up to me on my blanket.  I knew she wanted to be out there with her sisters playing, so I had a talk with her and said, “You are this tall,” holding out my hand over her head. “the seagulls are only this tall,” as I moved my hand low to the ground.  “All you have to do is run towards them and shout, “Go Away, go away!  The seagulls are afraid of you because you are bigger.”  Vrinda tried it and was delighted to be able to make the seagulls fly away.  She would run up and down the beach shouting at them, “Go Away, go away!  From then on, her favorite game when we'd go to the beach would be to immediately clear the area of any seagulls.  

We were on a business trip when Janet went into labor with Vrinda.  I had asked our accountant, Lena to come over and help watch Chandra and Tulaasi after Janet went into the hospital.  Keith and I boarded the plane, thinking that when we arrived, we’d have another grandchild.  When we called from the airport, we found that although Janet was in the hospital; she had not had the baby yet.  We sent Lena home and took the girls over to our house to wait.  It seemed like minutes after we had arrived home that Janet had Vrinda.  We always thought that Vrinda waited until we got there.  We were delighted with this cute and smiling baby.  Vrinda was the first one that Keith and I had been around from the start, and I think that caused a special bond between us.  She tore a pretty big hole our hearts.  When they would bring the girls over to stay with us, Vrinda would always jump on my lap with her bottle hanging from her mouth.  She’d turn my head towards her and say, “Grandma, I want to tell you about my bad dream last night.”   Vrinda was special to Tulaasi.  Finally, no longer the youngest, Tulaasi seemed to rise to the occasion when Vrinda came along.  Tulaasi would lay on the floor and look at Vrinda and gently touch the side of Vrinda’s face. She would talk "baby talk" to Vrinda. Tulaasi was finally the bigger sister.

I grew up like the Gorgonites; the heroes of a movie called Small Soldiers.  They were not brave, instead they had a knack for hiding.  My brother was bigger and a bully who beat me up; both physically and emotionally.  I was insecure and thought of myself as little.  A friend at work one day said to me, "Sandi, you intimidate others."   I was shocked!  Me, thought of as intimidating?  How can that be?  He explained, "you're very smart and smarter than everyone else here.  They find that intimidating."  I had worked most of my life in the car business where having an education was not a strong point; in fact I rarely mentioned that I was a CPA and had a degree in Accounting with a minor in Computer Science.  Typically the General Manager or owner had a "PHD."  That doesn't meant an advanced degree, rather that meant "poppa had a dealership."  He got the job because his dad, grandfather, etc. owned the dealership.

Was I an intellectual bully?  I realized that I didn't like training people; I couldn't understand how they couldn't understand how things worked or aspire to a higher position.  I didn't have empathy for those that were content to be at the same level, lacking the ambition to learn more and grow.   My friend would lector me, "Sandi, not everyone can be the CFO like you; the world also needs file clerks."  Later when I started a software company, my "bigger brain" got worse.  When someone would be using our software and wanted our product to look like their old antiquated previous system, I didn't get it.  Didn't they want the speed and power of better technology?  

I'm not sure if I'll ever be cured of being an intellectual bully.  I never thought of myself as pretty, but I knew I was smart and could figure anything out if I had a manual or an Internet connection.  But I am also self-aware, so I've stepped down from running my software company and in my place are empathic professionals that work carefully with our customers, helping them use our software, regardless of their ability to learn or understand instructions.  I am trying to be bigger and stop yelling at people to "go away, go away!"

Visit my website for info on my books - https://www.sandijerome.com/