Entering contests helps me measure my progress - although a huge part of it is luck. There are thousands of entries and hundreds of readers. You might get a reader having a bad day – or hates your genre – or even your political views.
Only 30% of the scripts get to the Quarter
Finals. Oddly enough, I had two scripts
get a high scorecard and move up my rank on Coverfly in the 2023 ScreenCraft
contest but didn’t place in the Quarter Finals. Why would two readers doing feedback score me high and give my scripts a great review, but another two in the contest pass me over for the Quarter Finals? Could it be a clerical error or the readers having a bad
day? I don’t know, so I’m extra happy
when one script does move up the ladder.
This month, I moved into Quarter Finals of a contest for my TV script First Man. I don't think it will move any further up because it takes being the best to win a contest. I'm not there yet. I think I have figured out the formula for writing drama, which is going well - but comedy? I like to think I'm funny - but can I write funny? Can I get better at this? In my last December Blog, I talked about making things work, then better, then the best. You can read it with this link.
https://sandijerome.blogspot.com/2022/12/make-it-work-make-it-better-make-it-best.html
I need to
improve, and I'm using my TV script First Man as a testing ground. I wrote
it early in my career as a feature screenplay, meaning it was about
100 pages. As a feature, it was originally a Quarter Finalist in the
big contest – the Nicholls Fellowship. To convert First Man to be a one-hour dramedy - sort of a funnier and less expensive West
Wing, I had to make it shorter. The screenplay was the full journey – ending at
the White House. A TV script needs to be more of a sample or view into the future of a “fish out of water” learning
politics and the woman who loves him adapting to a new job and relationship.
I think the idea is
funny. If you look at our "Second Gentleman" - the spouse of
Kamala Harris, he's extremely qualified to be a future "First Man" if
President Biden gets hit by a bus. Douglas Emhoff is a lawyer and distinguished visiting professor at Georgetown University Law Center.
As Kamala's husband, he married her when she was the Attorney General for the
State of California and got a taste for the term "wife-guy" -
a slang for when a husband owes his fame to his wife's success. Doug could walk
around the White House with confidence and ease and adapt to the "upside down" role
of being a male First Lady.
To make the situation funny -
I thought, what kind of guy, already famous on his own, would not slide
into this wife-guy role easily? What type of person would be the best
"fish out of water" to fall in love with the possible future first female President
of the United States? Yup, a jock would be perfect and one without too many CTE
injuries to the head. I didn't want him to be the typical dumb jock, so he's a pro baseball pitcher who needs to know every batter he'll have to pitch to - similar to how a politician knows her debate opponents.
My first
attempt at writing my First Man TV script was disastrous. I merely took my feature screenplay and deleted characters and scenes until I was down to about 60 pages – one hour. I submitted it to the Native American Media
Alliance for their TV Script Writer lab in December. The kind director suggested that I learn more
about writing for TV, and I did that. I studied, read, watched and figured it
out. For my next submission to NAMA, I have created a new TV script from
scratch to see what I’ve learned. I talked about this last month. https://sandijerome.blogspot.com/2023/03/
But that script is still in draft status and, hopefully, a project for the latest NAMA Writer's Lab I applied for this month. But I wanted to enter two other diversity fellowships, NBC and Paramount, so I rewrote First Man to the correct format, got it down to 37 pages and improved the structure. It will be serialized like The West Wing in later seasons. It starts with Anna being the VP, then going on the campaign trail with Jake and eventually becoming the President. Hopefully, there will be a funny White House wedding with Jake being the obsessive wedding planner instead of Anna, who will be busy running the free world.
I’m trying to make it funnier. I need to tone down my “I Love Lucy” type of physical slapstick and write smarter and funnier dialog. I’m working on that, along with making sure that the first year of the series is about the road to being the President. In the meantime, I submitted it to a contest in January to get feedback, and it placed high. I also got coverage for it, and this is what a reader wrote:
This is such a fun idea, and in the current political climate, where we have our first Second Gentleman, it’s a topical and current take on the romantic comedy. Jake’s step into this new world is refreshing, and Anna’s strong navigation of the political system is believable and authentic. We can see all sorts of personal and political drama playing out as these two attempt to make their relationship work in the biggest of spotlights. The story also boasts some really fun dialogue, and not only do Anna and Jake have chemistry in their verbal banter, the supporting cast is wry and engaging. Wilma is a standout here - her personality as friend, assistant, and tough-love voice of reason for Anna is useful and credible.
We also really like Anna herself - she’s passionate about her causes, and the script wisely makes her Native American background a part of her story, creating a great role and adding diversity to the cast. Overall, this is engaging and fun, and the combined worlds of baseball and politics are a nice contrast. Anna and Jake have a good oil and water chemistry going, and we’re rooting for them to get past their differences and find a way to make it work.
Fingers crossed on my journey to write funny, and I'll let you know how that works in a future blog. Right now, I'm doing daily exercises from from the book, How to Write Funny. I am also doing exercises to improve my yoga. Hopefully, I don't get them mixed up and end up with a new pose that looks hilarious.
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